Are you a recently widowed empty nester dreading the holidays? Are you fearing you'll become a blubbering mess during those festive moments? I hear you, and trust me, you're not alone. I'm on this struggle bus right along with you.
Luckily, I've developed some strategies that have helped me personally, along with some insights from others who've walked this tough path. That has guided the creating of an Emotional Toolbox that can help you navigate emotional triggers and grief during the holiday season.
Why the Holidays Can Be Tough 🍂
- Traditions Highlight Absence: The rituals we loved can make the empty space at the table even more glaring. The tasks your spouse used to do now go undone or fall you.
- Social Expectations: The season is 'supposed' to be jolly, right? This often adds pressure and makes the loneliness hit harder.
- Sensory Triggers: The scent of pine trees, holiday tunes, even the chill in the air can bring back a rush of memories, both sweet and painful.
- Year-End Reflection: As the year closes, we often find ourselves contemplating what we've lost.
- Less Day-to-Day Distraction: The downtime during holidays can give grief more room to breathe, if we're not careful.
In my family, holiday music used to be the backdrop for everything, so it's a double-edged sword for me—sweet nostalgia on one hand, and a stark reminder of loss on the other.
Emotional Toolbox:
So, let's get proactive. Here are couple starters from my Emotional Toolbox.
Strategy 1 - "Memory Boxes" 🌱
One strategy I keep in my Emotional Toolbox is using "Memory Boxes." They're containers for your keepsakes, big or small, that conjure up memories. Whenever you’re hit with a wave of nostalgia or sorrow, place an associated item in that box. The physical act of doing this can be a sort of emotional release valve.
Strategy 2 - "Trigger List" 🍁
Next up, the "Trigger List." Jot down the potential holiday-related triggers you can think of. Awareness is your first line of defense. Once you identify these triggers, you can prep yourself mentally to either face them or avoid them altogether.
Here's an example of using my trigger list: Last year, I took a different approach to decorating the Christmas tree. Instead of doing it all in one go, I spread it out, doing a little bit each day. This gave me the space to adjust emotionally and allowed me to embrace those precious memories without feeling overwhelmed. When it came time to take it down, I asked a family member to help. It turned out to be a healing experience for both of us.
I'd love to hear from you..
- Share one of your triggers in the comments if you're up for it. We're a community here, and maybe we can brainstorm some ways to handle it together.
- Want more coping strategies? I've got resources that can really make a difference for you this holiday season.
Keep an eye out for our next post where I'll explore how to create new traditions as you move through this chapter of your life.