If you've ever felt overwhelmed by your life, and wondered how to get a handle on it, this is the post for you. In this series we're going to look at how having structure can help us find balance in our lives, so that even if things are crazy busy or hard, we can still cope with them better.
In part 1 of this series I talked about creating structure by identifying the various sections of the day and finding ways to make them meaningful so they can become part of a rhythm rather than just random time blocks where nothing happens because it all feels overwhelming. In part 2 I will talk about identifying what makes your life worth living and using that as inspiration when figuring out how you want your days filled (or at least less empty).
Try these tips to make your day more meaningful
Now that you’ve identified the problem and its cause, it’s time to take action. Let's start with setting up some structure to your day.
Creating a collection of habits to insert into a daily rhythm can help you feel more organized and relaxed. It's easy to get lost in the chaos of home life without a clear plan of action, but by creating structure for yourself, you'll find that it not only helps keep things on track but also helps fill in any gaps between activities or tasks. You may even be able to learn new skills while practicing these routines!
Try identifying all of the various sections of your day: morning, afternoon and evening. This will help you identify which activities are most important for each section so that when it comes time for bedtime (and yes—even if I work from home I still set aside time for sleep), there aren't any surprises waiting in store for me when I wake up tomorrow morning.
So I've set myself some simple rules about how to be present in each moment--and let go of the idea of "doing enough.
Be present in each moment.
When you’re with others, be present with them, one-on-one or in a group. If you need to do something else (like grieve), let yourself know that and then come back when you can focus on them again. It’s not always easy but it is simple: Pay attention to what is happening right now and give yourself permission to let go of the idea of “doing enough.” Do your best and be kinder to yourself and others as you learn how to fill your days with good things and make room for the new routines that will become a part of who you are now.
For example, if I am reading or working on projects early in the day and realize it's getting late, I need to let go of any other plans that are not happening and just try again tomorrow.
Today I had planned on writing more and cleaning up around the house. However, I was reading a book by my bedside when it started to get dark outside. Realizing that there was no way I could continue reading without turning on a light (which would defeat the purpose of trying to find ways to be present), I made my way into the kitchen where more natural light awaited me. And then...I realized how much time had passed! So many things were left undone: dishes needed washing; floors needed sweeping; cabinets needed organizing; etc.
This is hard as a self-critical person because we want everything done well and right away…but sometimes things don't happen that way!
I'm committing to being kinder to myself when my energy level varies.
This is hard as a self-critical person, so I'm committed to finding ways to be gentle and compassionate with myself when my energy level varies. It's not an easy thing for me to do, but it's important for my own well-being. When you're struggling with something that could potentially lead to depression or anxiety (like widowhood), it's important not only that you seek help from others but also that you take care of yourself by practicing mindfulness and acceptance. You need these tools in order to deal with what life throws at you—and if those things are negative experiences such as grief or isolation, then these tools can help too!
Planning ahead also helps me be present in each moment
Planning ahead also helps me be present in each moment--if I know that housework is coming later in the day, it helps me enjoy reading time more now. I have found that using diffuser blends to support my planned activities can help with this as well. If I am going to be working on something mundane or repetitive at a certain time, like washing dishes or doing laundry, I may choose a blend that helps keep my mind focused or more energized. And if you know you have to do housework later, you can enjoy reading time more now!
Planning ahead and making sure we don't get overwhelmed by things that need our attention are two of the biggest ways we can step into living with intention during widowhood. As one person recently commented on my Instagram post about this topic: "I think planning ahead is really important when dealing with grief."
It's been a few months since I first started my new habits happening in a rhythm. And while they've definitely helped me feel a lot better, they aren't the only thing that has made me happy these days. In fact, I've found that finding ways to fill the void left by my husband's death has been one of the most important things I can do for myself right now...and it doesn't have to be complicated either!